Social distancing, which once would have been referred to as being “anti-social” by main stream society, is the norm today as I type this out. A very small, very microscopic, very very inconvienent germ…yes, I know I’ve been listening to too many briefings led by the President. His over use of adverbs is annoying at first and extremely, very comical the more you listen to him. Ahem…I digress…
In this day and age of technology isolation is not what is was during the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic. We are not shut behind closed doors wondering what is happening in the outside world. Wondering what our family and friends across town, across the country, or across the globe are doing. We have the ability to not only speak to each other from wherever we are but, we can see each other as well. Isolation is not as isolated as it used to be. Texting, Tweeting, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, YouTube, Zoom, Skype, and of course Facebook keep us connected even when we cannot physically interact. Yet, is it healthy communication? I have to admit I have seen a lot of nastiness one social media lately which is not what I would define as effective communication.
Although, we can communicate, which according to The American Heritage Dictionary, 2nd College Edition (1972), means “to make known; impart. To display; manifest. To spread to others; transmit (a disease, for example).” One can also transmit their negativity, but is it helpful? Effective communication is more appropriately defined as “To have an interchange, as of ideas.” Well, isn’t that something? An interchange of ideas…not a judgment of the ideas that are exchanged. What does it mean to interchange? According to the same source it means “to switch each of (two things) into the place of the other. To give and receive mutually; exchange.”
For us to interchange ideas it requires we release our attachment to being “right” and our fear of being “wrong” and open ourselves to listening to what the other person has to say. Allowing for an exchange of ideas. How many times have you had a conversation with another and been on high alert for whatever the person was going to say that was out of line with what you believed? If you were doing this you were not practicing effective communication. Why? Because you were not listening, not actively.
Active listening requires the ability to turn oneself off and attune to what is being said by the other. This means not formulating a response to something that was said 5 or 10 minutes ago, not hanging on to feelings from a previous conversation, or needing to “win” the interchange or anything else that may have your mind thinking about something other than what is being said by the other person. Interchanges are not about who wins but about an exchange of information; an opportunity for people to learn from one another. Think about it – how do you learn if you are not open to new ideas?
In these days of isolation we should look at social distancing as an opportunity to hone our communication skills and actively pursue understanding. Which is much more important than the need to be right, and will help shut down the pointy headed imp called fear that causes us all to behave in ways we are not particulary proud of. That way when we are face to face again communication, effective communication, will be that much easier.
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